My ugly duckling days

If you are familiar with Hans Christian Andersen's "The ugly duckling", you probably would find my story stale. But I can identify myself with the ugly duckling in the story who later turned into a swan.

When I was a little girl, I wasn't pretty at all. Relatives made fun of me. They called me a 'hairy monkey'. I was even aware of my own awkwardness. These days, whenever my family took out my childhood photos, they had a good laugh because I was always frowning and scowling at the camera. When I told Dave I was an ugly kid, he said: "I cannot imagine you ever being ugly." But that was how it was. The fact is, I didn't become good looking until I became a teenager. Talk about late bloomers!

When I was 5 years old, I stood in front of the mirror every day, wishing I would one day turn into a pretty girl. Back then, I heard the story of "an ugly duckling". How I wished I would turn into a 'swan' too. For a 5-year-old girl, I sure was vain but I had a dream.

Be careful of what you wish for. There is power in dreams.

I didn't know how it happened, but my face began to change from the age of 9. Bit by bit. The shape and size of my eyes, the shape of my forehead, the structure of my face--they all changed. When I was 12 years old, I began to look very different. And at 13, when I was attending middle school, for the first time in my life, classmates told me I was "one of the prettiest girls in class". To be called good looking, this would never happen to me in elementary school. That would be almost - impossible. But since then, I began to live the life of a pretty girl.

I often feel I have lived in two different worlds. The world of a plain looking girl and the world of a pretty girl. I'm lucky because I don't have to undergo plastic surgery to experience this. Well, probably God was my plastic surgeon, lol. I was the same person inside, but I receive different treatment now compared to what it was in the past. How often was I being ignored as a plain looking 5-year-old? Even when I cried, I got very little affection or sympathy from my mom's friends. Strangers would never take a second glance at me. I was as invisible as the wall behind me.

When I became a pretty girl, things changed so drastically. People are nice to me. Strangers smile at me. Even the old lady at the cake store is smitten with me, my best friend told me. She was also the one who 'complained' that the same doctor we went to, gave me free product samples, whereas in her case, he did not. The list goes on. The truth is, people treat you better if you are good looking. Also, needless to mention, men chase pretty women and not ugly ones.

If you dare say that looks are not important and that nobody cares how you look, then I'm telling you that you're really an idiot.

I guess, due to my 'unusual' childhood and how things had changed for me, I began to believe in my dreams. It was also in middle school that I accepted the Lord in my life. I began to have faith that whatever I longed for in life, I could get it......as long as I am determined to pursue it. And I have come a long way since.

When I was 24 years old and just gotten a job out of college, I made a pact with myself that I would come to the US to pursue further studies and to become a journalist. I never know how I could do it. At 24 years old, I was slapped with my college tuition loan. I had to repay it before I could start saving for my post-graduate studies in the US. I worked and saved very hard. But to do a master's degree in the US, I need to have at least US$45,000 in my bank statement. It probably would not work for me if a series of events didn't occur in a perfect order. These are what happened:

In January 2007, when my uncle's company became enlisted in public shares, we invested some stock money in it. In a quick turnaround, I made S$11,000. Although I still didn't have enough money for graduate school, that spurred me to apply to graduate schools in the US.

In December 2007, I learnt that I was awarded a 4-months bonus from my company. That added a five figure to my saving portfolio. Hoho.

In early 2008, suddenly, the USD dropped an awful LOT against our Sing dollar. So much so that I gained a few thousand dollars after converting my money to USD!

Suddenly, I find that I had enough money to study and live in the US for at least a year. Yippee!

So that was how I came to the US and completed my master's degree with absolutely no loan or help from anyone. It was a dream come true. But still, one step away from my dream of being a journalist. It was indeed a big step away.

Of course, getting a job - and of all jobs - in journalism, was almost impossible during this US recession period. Ask every professor in my school, they will tell you that its better to go into communications or PR if you need to have a job. Indeed, the media industry in the US has been badly hit by the crisis. I know you would say that all industries are badly hit. But newspapers, at the same time, is going through a decline due to the Internet. So journalism is twice hit, by the Internet and the crisis, if you ask me.

As if the crisis is not enough to work against me, the fact that I'm not a citizen or green card holder means that not only am I competing with Americans for jobs, but that I require work sponsorship from the company - works against me really bad.

For months, I was disheartened. It was a very difficult period for me. But thank God, when I was in Washington D.C, I had Jennifer and Dave by my side to support me and give me encouragement.

Suddenly, I landed a reporter job with a newspaper in New York City. I never thought that would happen to me - especially in New York, but it was exactly what happened. The truth is, I wasn't even actively looking for a reporter position although that was my heart's true desire. I was spending all my time and effort in looking for a communications or PR job because that was the advice given by my kind professors.

So in the end, I got my heart's desire. I realized my dream without having the means to achieving it. All I did was to dream it, and to follow my dream. It just happened naturally. Just like what God did to my childhood face, lol.

The moral of my story is -- believe in the power of your dreams. Very often, they will happen for you, not because you know how to achieve them, but because some 'magnificent being' up there has the ability to change world events and propel you to achieve that dream of yours. That 'magnificent being' for me, is God.

In my heart, I'll always love that "Ugly Duckling" in me because it has given me Hope that I can transform myself to be a better person.

Yet another journey begins for me. I'm now a journalist. One day, I would become a best-selling book author. I know it would happen. Someday.